Happy New Year!

May 2010 bring everyone peace, happiness, prosperity and a lot less pain. Happy New Year folks x

Time marches on...

Long time, no speak... but it really is a good thing. Lots of activity in the household what with our up-coming move to different shores. As you can imagine loads and loads to do. Finding it challenging to strike a balance between running (metaphorically speaking) around like a headless chicken trying to get everything in order for emigration AND staying focussed on my usual routine - exercise, not overdoing it, with some rest chucked in for good order! 18 months ago we could not have contemplated such a move, what with the parlous state of my back, healthcare considerations etc. Funny and darn wonderful really, how fast life can change. Big, nay HUGE, nod of thanks to Mr Shepperd, surgeon extraordinaire.

Fair to say I've never been one to take the well travelled path... you know, stay with what's easy or comfy or known. I've constantly challenged myself. Made mistakes it's true. Been reckless some might say. Hungry for knowledge and experiences. Not one to settle for mediocrity. My mum said "be the best that you can be" and that is what I'm striving to do.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.
(The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost)

Life's bloody good. O Canada... bring it on!!!

Getting it all into perspective...

Below is an extract from a dear friend's story regarding CANCER. As I am at the one year stage regarding Dynesys, I quote her at the same stage in her recovery (thankfully she is celebrating 2 years in remission this month). I include this because there are times in our lives when it doesn't do any harm to put our own shyte into perspective...

QUOTE
So, what happens when everything finishes. Certainly no trumpet fanfare, but I have to say everybody keeps their eye on you. My headaches continued resulting in a brain scan. Niggling pain in my shoulder resulting in X-ray. Urine infection resulting in Bladder and Kidney scan. All accompanied with sirens and whistles in my head each time I have to wait for the results. This panic when awaiting results, will hopefully diminish in time, but will probably never completely leave me.

It is now a year on. I have had my mammogram, everything is fine. I frequently think of the past year and during the early months would have given anything to have my body and mind back as they were pre 20/07/07. It is such a cliché, but, without a doubt everything has to happen for a reason. Making sense of the reasons can be hard. Something had to happen to slow me down. Yes, I would rather have sprained my ankle, but, as my mum said ‘It would take more than that to stop you’. I would have carried on with crutches!!

Why me?

Well, I just know I really could not have coped if my children or family members were given the diagnosis of cancer. And, the same for my friends who are lucky enough to have not been directly affected by Cancer…

I was the best person for the job…

It just had to be me…
UNQUOTE

In awe! Floored!

You're one special lady J who deserves THE BEST and ALL that life has to give x

The witching hour approaches...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN FOLKS!!

Here's hoping that all family, friends and spineys out there have a fun and safe evening.

1 year on...

Can't believe it... 1 year post op today! Feeling pretty good. Thought it deserved a little treat from Hobbs... so last night I managed to pour myself into a size smaller than usual dress and jeans. Tempted fate even further this morning by jumping on the scales, to reveal an overall 11lbs weight loss. RESULT. Slimming World Green and all the exercise is finally doing it for me (and Dr Vic who's lost 13lbs)!

As for celebrating champagne-stylie - well I'm not in much of a celebrating mood on account of sad news this morning that one of my closest pal's dad has died... yet another good life taken by that evil disease cancer - how I despise it! God Bless Mr T.

Coming up to a year!

Can't believe I'm coming up 12 months post-op. Pretty much everyone asks me if it was all worth it and I can say without hesitation that it has been. I believe though, that my response says a lot about my expectations from the outset. You see, my surgeon was always very clear about the potential outcomes/risk of Dynesys, so I knew that following the op I could be :-

1. pain-free
2. in less pain
3. the same, or
4. worse off

I was always optimistic of the outcome but law of averages told me that I would be pretty lucky to come out completely pain free. It's interesting though, that the Facebook group (now numbering 62 members) pretty much divides as above - we have members who are completely pain-free following the recovery period, as well as others for whom there has been no change, or failure...

So where do I fit? Well I fall solidly into the 2nd category. I'm pretty much drug-free but not pain-free. I still experience pain daily, but it is wholly manageable. It's not the jump out the window, no sleep, can't do anything type of pain. I continue to exercise daily either in the pool or Pilates and when I don't exercise, I know it. I still have an afternoon siesta. I am mindful of the things I do, and for how long I do them. But I can do more than before. Sure, I have my moments but a handful of paracetamol /co-codamol seems to do it for me. One thing for sure though, the recovery was lengthier and far more difficult than I ever imagined. To this day I still have to be extremely disciplined and work hard to maintain my 'new' back - exercising daily and forcing myself to rest when things are not so great is crucial.

Overall, Dynesys has been a resounding success for me. I feel more like the old me - 46 instead of 96! The reduction in pain obviously plays a massive part but I hadn't realised 'til a few months ago how the cocktail of drugs had affected me. How 'un-me' I've been! Not nasty, horrible or anything, just "The Kelster" but 'dampened down', if that makes sense.

Now... gggRRR, there's a tiger in my tank (again), and I've got a million and one things going on in my head!! I've just had to accept that I will never downhill ski again (my passion), but look forward to cross-country, snow-shoeing and bedding down at the Ice Hotel in Quebec! As for heels girlies, well they don't agree with me any more. I salivate over Manola, Lamboutin & Choo but the reality is I'm wearing Fitflops, MBTs, New Balance, Ecco & Clarks!!! None of which do anything for "me ol' street cred" LOL xxx

Back to 'normal'

Amazing what a few days rest can do...

Ooops

Took days to recover from holiday - only started exercising again on Monday. Then... just as things were getting back to normal I did a new move at my Pilates class yesterday and felt something 'ping' in my back. Combination of pain, realisation that I'd done something wrong and fear meant that tears were not far behind. What a wimp eh??? Mind you, it's only the 2nd time in 6 years that I've burst into tears during class. Spent pretty much the rest of the day in bed.

Hips and back are pretty bad now. Tried swimming (lengths) this morning to shift the pain. Popping Advils like they're going out of fashion. Ain't looking good. Hey ho, more bed rest...

DYNESYS - doing what it says on the tin!

Sorry for radio silence these past 12 days, been with in-laws in Toronto and totally powered down! Wedding was fab. Did I dance my ass off? You bet! Paid for it the next day, but boy was it worth it :-) Did plenty of walking and even got some gentle canoeing / kayaking in up at the lakes. Got back this morning after a 7 hr flight - pain was do-able but feet swelled up elephant-man stylie despite getting up plenty and exercising during the journey. Stiff now.

If you'd told me a year ago I'd be doing any of this stuff I would've laughed. And hard... Sure I suffer afterwards but with the right exercise and some meds, it passes.

So... all you out there post-op, hang in there. 11 months on, I'm doing 'stuff' and pretty much drug free!!! Woop woop. Recovery's been slow and I've had setbacks BUT dynesys is doing what it says on the tin! Please don't despair or give up.

Something to look forward to...

Well, I never thought I'd be contemplating it but... it is my intention to dance my ass off this weekend at my niece's wedding. Just like the ol' days...

Gosh, how I miss dancing...

Yep, the frock fits, JUST. And... my dancing shoes have heels, not skyscrapers you understand but definitely not flats!

Yeh, I know I'll suffer for it big-time for a few days following, but you know what, it WILL be worth it. Hopefully Pilates and the pool will sort me out afterwards, either that or a large bottle of Pinot!

Glad to report that the Dynesys group on Facebook now has 55 members, over 550 posts and is still growing!!! Stay strong guys...

New mantra...

Travel a lot. Learn more. Try to make the most of every opportunity that comes my way. If I want to do something I won't hold back. But equally I won't feel pressured to do things I don't want to do, and I won't waste time or effort on things that don't warrant it.

Back on an even keel...

Not much to report this week - I'm back to my normal routine and doing it without drugs! Special thanks for your continued support and to all of you who blogged, emailed or phoned whilst I was poorly, you really lifted my spirits guys, cheers!

A rocky week...

Thank goodness this week is over! Had a pretty rocky start, laid off the exercise (even skipped clinical pilates) and on Tuesday and Wednesday relented and took a cocktail of drugs in an effort to get relief from pain and some bloody sleep! I always said that I wouldn't be a martyr to the pain and I WON'T but it really felt like I was letting myself down...

My body, I guess, was pretty much clear of drugs after more than 3 weeks without them, so chucking a few Tramadol (synthetic morphine) and Co-codamol down my neck wasn't such a good idea. What can I say other than it was Exorcist V in the making... I took to my bed, turned green and promptly started projectile vomiting. Nice. I had completely forgotten those early years experimenting with the prescribed cocktail of drugs, trying to find what worked best for me... it brought back nightmares of one weekend where I barfed for England following application of a long-term morphine patch! Hey, the girl's got class!!!

Anyhow, things seem to have settled, drug-free again and ready for some exercise (for that read, punishment) this week.

Dr Vic here...

I know it's been radio silence from the Dr, but just read Kelly's latest blog and I had to reply.

All I can say is that it may appear that Kelly is NOT learning from her experience with regards to overdoing it, but you have to understand her as I do, and that sometimes she just says...BOLLOCKS to it all!!!!

That's our Kel. Spare a thought for the old DR. I have to live with her.

Dr. Vic

Dynesys (dynesis) - 9 months on...

First the good news... I'm 9 months post op today and 22 days drug-free. Not a paracetamol has passed my lips...

Now the bad news... I feel like shyte. I'm in quite a bit of pain and have been for days, chuck in 2 sleepless nights and a large dollop of self-pity and there you have it - one depressed girlie who's taken to her pit. As usual, I've brought it all on myself. Wouldn't you know it. Take one fab weekend in Bruges (mussels, chips, beer and a fair bit of walking on cobbles), a veritable orgy of exercise in an effort to get into a party frock, top it all off with a long sitting lunch yesterday and there you have wot's done me in! Blast and double blast!

This past week... I just haven't been able to get any speed out of my legs, it's like wading through treacle. My gym bag, containing just a clean towel & cozzie, feels like half-hundredweight of spuds! When I get tired I waddle, feet 10-to-2, it's quite unattractive. I hate my inner thighs and their hanging, wasted muscles, ditto attractiveness. My head is screaming, "get over it, won't ya" but my brain is rebelling; it's gone on vacation... I feel I've nothing to talk about 'cept this! I feel a hundred years old...

A bad week, that's all. All things are passing, patience gains all!

Note to self-pitying moi: less pain = drug-free = recovering = much worse things in life = damn lucky!

10 days drug free...

Overall, I'm finding that I have more energy and am less tired than ever before, which means that I am able to do more. I've added 30 mins on the recumbant to my day - burning some 300+ calories doing that, RESULT, so far it seems to be OK. Making sure I'm still taking plenty of rests as am experiencing stiffness and discomfort (as opposed to out-and-out pain). All do-able though.

Drug free at last!!!

Well, here’s the good news folks… after 5½ years of taking a much publicised cocktail of drugs (and 8 months post-op) I am happy to say that I am now 4 days completely drug free!!!! Woop woop.

Getting rid of the drugs has always been my ultimate goal - for the past couple of months I have been surviving on paracetamol with a few Tramadol thrown in for good measure! Apart from 3 weeks of horrid withdrawal symptoms when I came off Amitriptyline last year, I have suffered no addiction or withdrawal problems. And… considering the concoction and volume I’ve taken over the years I consider myself very fortunate. I’ve pretty much lived for this day – ending the daily dependency - so it was with a mix of excitement and anxiety that I approached Monday morning.

So far… well, I’m not pain-free. Hey, I’m a realist. Did I ever really think that I would be totally pain free, good as new, ‘normal’ again??? Course not. The good news is that the pain is do-able. It’s not pain of the sleepless nights, jump-out-the-window and end-it-all type that daily cursed me – it’s more of a done-too-much pain that I can live with. If an hour lying down on the bed don’t fix it then I am happy to pop the odd paracetamol or Advil to get me thru it. I can live with that! Go girl...

Btw... received 2 wonderful, informative and encouraging responses recently from 2 other ‘spineys’ who are living with Dynesys…

QUOTE ONE I had dynesis 5 yrs ago and to this day i have not had any major problems, yes i get a bit of back pain, but its not enough to get me taking those horrible pain killers again, i always rest after work, at least half an hour laying on my bed, i put hot water bottles on my back to help the occasional aches and pains. i work as a storeman /forktruck driver so i do a bit of lifting, and other than have to stop doing sport, i live a normal life, every few months if im feeling very stiff etc, i visit my physio and after a few sessions it seems to do me a bit of good, the only thing is that you still get worried from time to time, even after this long that your back may give out again, but as the years go on i wonder if you could call this succesful, if i take it easy, no pain, but you still go around watching everyone else running jumping around without a care in the world thinking i just wish i could do that, but theres no way you can or ever will again. so i wish you all a pain free life and good health. ps just wanted to let you know there is light at the end of the tunnel. UNQUOTE

QUOTE TWO Just want to say firstly for all of you who have had probs with your dynesys I'm sorry you have had that experience but also to leave a positive message that it does sometimes work! and work and work well. I had dynesys stabilisation of L3,4+5 in March 2006 following 15 years of back pain due to 3 slipped discs +some spinal stenosis. Before my op I was in daily pain (on tramadol, paracetamol +diclofenac) and during flare ups would be unable to stand upright for 2+ weeks at a time. I was offered fusion but decided against that as felt I wanted the flexibility. My surgeon (in Bristol, England) informed me that there would only be 50% chance of improvement, 30% chance i would be unchanged post-op and 20% chance I would be worse so I figured that as long as i didnt fall into the 20% worse then it was worth the risk. So far my op has been a total success. I am left with nerve damage around my bum and upper thighs but that is a small price to pay to be able to virtually free of back pain! UNQUOTE

Upping the ante!

Been in a bit of pain this week but only because I have upped the amount & level of exercise that I'm doing. This is mainly because I need to increase the cardio workout that I'm doing (which is virtually nil) in order to better control my weight. I've got beautifully toned muscles all right but there's a layer of fat sitting on top of them!!! LOL Plus we have a big bash wedding to go to at the end of August and I need to fit into my frock :-)

So in addition to the hydro and basic core strengthening exercises, I'm now doing my Pilates class weekly, swimming lengths, increasing my upper body strength with dumbells (lightweights/multiple reps) and I've just purchased a recumbant x-bike to peddle at home when I get the odd 20 mins or so. What is it about recumbants that makes them so much more expensive than normal x-bikes - yikes... Yeh, I know I could peddle at the gym but you know what, there's only so much time you can spend there... people are starting to talk!!!

Oh, btw 8 months post-op tomorrow!!

PILATES - the return!!

Woop woop, finally returned to my clinical Pilates class today... it was sooo good to see J and all the girls again. Bit nervous about the exercises that put my back into extension e.g. spine curl, but J went fairly easy on us all - I actually did every exercise AND finished the class!! Nice to meet a few new additions to the class too. Dead whacked now, but feeling good...

btw... the Dynesys group on Facebook now has 43 members and has developed a life of its own. We are not the biggest 'spiney' group in terms of members BUT we are the biggest (I've been led to believe) in terms of overall activity/posts, which is great. Pretty mind boggling really and much much more than I could have hoped for when I started this blog.

All quiet..

Time marches on... I can't believe that it's 7 months since my op!

Right hip and butt cheek have been shouting loudly this week due to sitting for too long in the wrong chair one lunch. and I'm still unable to carry anything other than a light handbag - even one small shopping bag a short distance remains a no-no, the dragging pains when I do so are the SAME as before the op - hell! Still it's no hardship - I've got well used to internet shopping these past few years and long may it continue!!!

Soooo looking forward to returning to my Pilates class in a couple of weeks time not least because I have missed my pals. As I've said before, we truly are 'old crocks' - the walking wounded ;-) We've all got at least one bit of our bod that's not working properly &/or been re-engineered! Our physio J works hard to ensure our joints are 'oiled' and soothed... and as a group we support one another, swap experiences but more importantly, we can laugh together (mainly at ourselves and our limitations). It works wonders...

Back with a bang!

First off, apologies for the radio-silence but I've been away in Clearwater for the past 3 weeks. It was very much what the doc ordered - lots of sun and lazy floating days by the pool (and yes, I was a good girl and did my pool exercises EVERY day). Fortunately we've been to Florida before so we could just relax and not worry about what we were missing by doing so!! Lots of things to tell you, so here goes...

• Latest trip to surgeon on Tuesday confirmed that I am making steady progress, in line with his expectations - I'm not in the top (got fast relief) or bottom (little to no relief) group of patients - I'm a plodder (not through lack of effort I hasten to add) - recovering at a pace along with the masses - slow with the odd hiccup!! I'm happy enough with that - I'm moving in the right direction.


• A very interesting post was added (thanks) whilst I was away, to the blog entry Surgeon Update dated 10.03.2009. It is well worth a read. Added Anonymously, my suspicion is that it was written by an ortho-specialist in the UK.


• British Airways deserve a huge pat on the back for the help they extended me during my recent flights. Having contacted their Special Assistance people beforehand they allowed me to board the plane early, I could've had a buggy from duty-free to the gate if I wanted it BUT more importantly, they allocated me a 'special' seat on the plane that had no-one in front of it and bags of room to get up and move about without affecting other passengers or crew (not an exit seat). They are indeed Borg's Favourite Airline!!!


• Whilst we avoided the parks in Florida I can confirm that there is help available for the 'physically challenged'. Before you go find out about the FREE-to-use motorised scooters, travel carts and wheelchairs, priority seating arrangements for rides/shows and where the seats are that do not shudder, drop, jolt or move along with the others during the rides/shows. Everywhere you go in Florida (including malls & supermarkets) is geared up to help anyone with a disability or walking problem.


• Worst experience of the holiday - walking on soft, unpacked sand!!! I pushed myself to walk along the beach each morning as part of my exercise routine - oh my goodness, the pain was incredible - I guess my back was affected by the uneven surface. And... whilst it got a little easier by the end of 3 weeks it was still NOT a pleasant experience.


• Good experience of the holiday - woggle seats!!! Yep, only in America could they invent a mesh affair that you thread a woggle through to create a sort of seat-cum-lilo thingummy. Loved it - get one in Wings, CVS Pharmacy or Target!!

That's about it for now. Speak soon...

Lots of firsts this Easter...

Well, we had a busy Easter - as in, we did a lot more than we have done for over 6 months.

We went into London for a couple of hours on Thursday for retail and a romantic lunch - it was a great feeling to be able to do that again but I was abs. wasted by 3pm - came home and was in bed with a large dose of Tramadol by 7pm!! Great company for Dr Vic eh?

Easter Saturday we went to an engagement party and met up with lots of our friends. Can you believe I was sooo nervous. Silly I know, but it has been such a long time since we did anything 'normal' with our friends... we only stayed a couple of hours but we had a good laugh. Mind you, I felt very unsteady on my feet - I've only worn flats for 6 months so wearing a small heel (and in the rain) was unnerving. And whilst I felt self-conscious with my stick, no-one else took a second look!

Sunday and Monday was pure family time and fun. We did get some sad news though on Monday, news that makes you realise that life is very short and extremely fragile... And finally, today I went out with a dear friend of mine for a proper girlie lunch - munch, vino and a good goss, just what the doctor ordered I say.

So all in all, it's been a wonderful few days BUT very tiring. It really doesn't take too much to wear me out but you know what, it's all been bloody worth it. It's back to the routine tomorrow, pool and back circuits for me...

Contemplating 'normality'...

What exactly is 'normal'? Bet it's different for each and every one of us. For me, 2009 normal is way different from 2008 normal (by virtue of my op) and prior that I had a massive change to normal in 2004!!! 30 April 2004 to be precise. That's the day my back, and subsequently my whole life, went tit's up!

Been thinking (for that read, worrying) loads about the future. As I write tonight, it's an unknown...

Let me share something with you... my darling mum had TB in her spine at 12 years old, it was left untreated (in those days it was considered a lung complaint only) and as a consequence over the years her spine collapsed, unevenly fused and became disfigured. Doctors could not believe that she was not in a chair!  So for as long as I remember she suffered terribly with crippling back pain. But equally for as long as I remember, she was the life and soul of the party; she wore the highest heels Selfridges could provide and boy could she dance in them! Never mind that she'd be laid up in bed for days afterwards... She NEVER gave in to her disability or her pain. In a final and cruel twist of fate 3 years ago, my lovely mum was diagnosed with cancer - one of the largest tumours being in her spine at L4. The pain she was in could not be assuaged by drugs, even high-dosage on-the-pump morphine could only provide temporary relief from the horrific pain in her lumbar spine. Every position and every movement was hell... She didn't complain and showed no fear - I know that was for our sake, so as not to frighten us. Her suffering and death has scarred me, it haunts me. And I know, it will NEVER leave me. 

My mum is quite simply my inspiration and the bravest, kindest, so full-of-life person I will ever have the honour of knowing. I miss her so much...  I know she would have supported me 100% in my decision to undergo Dynesys. I've have been given a chance she never had - and whilst she would have been scared for me undergoing such an operation, she would have encouraged me to go for it! Operating was never an option for her as her spine was way past help, even before the cancer.

I guess now you may understand why my thoughts have turned to the future. My mum had no chance, but I have... I've got to make this work for me. I don't know what the future holds for me (and looking at my family history it scares the life out of me) but whatever it is, I promise I will make the best of it, for my sake and for mum's. Love you Muv, watch over me and flap those BIG wings now and again to let me know you're around xxxxx

Routine maintenance...

Well, all I can say this week is that after 5 months I finally have some sort of routine - albeit, one almost without diversity or excitement! My routine revolves around exercise and rest, although I have been getting out and about a bit more now that the weather has turned.

The good thing to come out of all of this is that I have shaped up. Literally. I spoke in an earlier post about my 'new toosh' - well it doesn't stop there. My body shape is changing before my very eyes - although there's not much movement on the scales I have dropped a dress size. Reason I'm surprised is because I was doing Pilates, core and swimming regularly pre-op... there's obviously something I'm doing now that is making a HUGE difference though. Not complaining... nor is Dr. Vic LOL.

Second bit of good news is that my hair, nails and skin have started to improve - hair is still thinning but there's definitely a slowdown and it now looks shiny and healthy. Nails are rock-hard. Improvement is primarily down to specific vitamins / products recommended to me. If your body is depleted post-op and you're experiencing similar problems to me, try these... Redken hair products and Perfectil / Nutracap vitamin supplements. Splurged on some facials but that's more as a itsy-bitsy feelgood treat than a fix ;-)

Exercises handouts available

Just a quickie for you 'spineys' out there who are interested...

My Core Stabilisation, FitBall & Hydro Exercise Handouts are now available. Should you want a copy please contact me via Facebook's email system - this way, neither you nor I have to publish our email addresses on the www!!

Keeping on doing what I'm doing...

Yep, that's about it really - nothing new to report, same ol', same ol'...

Cobbling together a document detailing various Core Strengthening, FitBall and Hydro exercises specifically designed by physios for 'spineys'. Many of us back sufferers are helped enormously by our surgeons, physios and GPs but I'm finding that there are equal numbers out there who are getting 'bugger all' help from anyone. So these exercises are a guide only for them (obviously with the proviso that they run them by their GP first).

Dr Vic has the envious task of scanning them all in - hoping to post them up here and on the FB group soonest.

Surgeon update...

Had 4 x-rays today - hips, pelvis & back and the good news is....

• hips and pelvis are OK
• Dynesys hardware is stable & secure - apparently the x-ray would display a halo effect around a screw if it was moving/unstable.

Soooo... my hip pain could be muscular or could be caused by inflammatory chemicals or could simply be post-op trauma/pain. Mr Shepperd again stressed that it's still early days for me and that it will take time for things to settle. However, he's not being complacent - I've got an appointment for 12th May and if things are not any better by then he will be injecting my spine for the pain and hopefully to help me heal.

I mentioned this blog and the support group on Facebook, no surprise to him - he too is a member of FB!!!! I really hope he pops in someday and posts an entry.

All quiet..

Not much to report this week... Hydro and back circuits, on-going and continue to dominate my week. Not had a lot of sleep these past 5 days, been in quite a bit of pain in the night (probably due to the increased physio activity) - resisting the urge to pop extra drugs.

The Dynesys group on Facebook continues to grow and there are now 25 members - most of whom found their way to the site via this blog. There's a strong spirit of support in the group - with members asking questions, offering advice or simply sounding off about their pain. I'm abs. chuffed because I started this blog and the FB group to inform and put Dynesys patients (past, present, future) in touch with each other. In fact, two of our members had their Dynesys surgery yesterday. My thoughts and prayers are with them and all of you out there suffering from chronic daily pain, regardless of affliction.

It's life Jim, but not as we know it...

I've got a bum!!! Now I know that's a funny thing to say but you see, I've never had one! Well, not a nice rounded, juicy booty. I've always had a 'flat back' and a non-existent derriere!!! BUT all of a sudden I have an arch (hollow) in my back circa my waist area and a J-LO thing happening (slight exaggeration but you get my drift) in my nether regions! I'm very conscious of the arch in my back when I walk and sit too. I know I'm not imagining it as Dr. Vic has had a decko around the area and he agrees :-)

Maybe, just maybe this is the end result of all that hardware & wiring.

I am BORG - 'resistance is futile', assimilate, assimilate...

4 months and counting...

Apart from a belated and very romantic ;-) Valentine's lunch, it's been a quiet week. I'm exercising every single day and by that I don't just mean walking and basic core exercises, I mean either in the pool or doing the dreaded back circuits with the physios. It's hard bloody work and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't painful or very tiring... BUT it is very satisfying. As I said in an earlier post, my focus is 100% on me and Dr. Vic and our future - selfish I know, but it's how I'm going to get where I want to be. It's working too.

Torture at the hands of the "physical terrorists"!!!

Attended my first NHS 'Back & Core Conditioning' sesh today at the Rehabilitation Centre. First hour was a discussion on back and pain management - it was v.well done but wasn't of much value to me I'm afraid - beneficial to the 'new' spineys in the group though. What then followed was an hour of what can only be described as circuit training for the spine... 3 minutes on each of the following: bikes, steppers, wobble boards, trampolines, weight pulleys, fitballs, theraband and abdominals.  My anxiety/panic levels rose the moment the physios started explaining the circuit. I was well out of my comfort zone and just a little bit panicky. The circuit was extremely challenging.  It soon became clear that whilst my core stability is A1, the same can't be said about weight bearing/carrying, bikes & steppers.

Burst into tears in the car - can't explain why really... Panic release? Shock at how difficult it had been? Relief it was over? Rise in pain and worry about tomorrow? Realisation that I still have a long way to go? Who knows. 

Oh well, at least I'll know what to expect next week.

Having a wobble...

Apologies for the radio silence these past 12 days. Head's not been in a good place. Been feeling low, I guess things have just got on top of me...

The pain I experienced a few weeks ago frightened the living daylights out of me, I really thought I had done some damage to the hardware or un-done the operation. It's made me fearful of it happening again. On top of that I continue to experience problems with my hips and hair loss. I know none of this is the end of the world AND worse things in life happen but it's just so bloody depressing - it's taking its toll. Twice past, I have suffered from severe depression where I have taken anti-depressants and undergone counselling in order to come out the other side. This time, I am NOT going there... I'm acknowledging the early signs and going into lock-down mode - being "healthily selfish" (as my favourite counselling tutor used to say) - until such time as my bod and head are back on track.

Thank goodness I've got Dr. Vic as he instinctively 'gets it'. Only he could think of buying me a bright pink pair of suede heels for Valentines with a note saying, The future is bright! - making me laugh and cry simultaneously... He truly is one special & thoughtful individual!

Won't be going there again!

Well, I think it's fair to say that the last 10 days are ones I don't want to repeat in a hurry! Turned the corner on the searing 'new' pain - still not so clever in the middle of the night or first thing but sooooo much better than it was. Weirdest thing now is that I'm getting pain predominantly after sleeping on my back, I'm fine when I use the 'Borg Barrier' - which is the opposite of how it was immediately following the op. Strangely, one of my spiney friends is experiencing the same problem, she is just 2 weeks behind me in recovery!

Blood tests came back negative, thank God - no infection or inflammation. So, like me, my GP concluded today that I had just overdone it. Went straight to the pool afterwards - first time in a fortnight - did not go mad (doh!) - did just under 30 mins exercise and then had a sauna! It felt so good to be controlling my back again and not IT controlling me!!!

Lesson for this week is... to listen to my body more and heed its limitations!

It had to happen...

This blog has been a life-saver for me - it has given me something to focus on during my recovery and it's been cathartic. Your wonderful, uplifting, caring, supportive and funny comments have helped me through some rough days, for which I am indebted, thank you. It has allowed me to stay in contact with family and friends when I often have not wanted conversation or company. It has put me in contact with 16 'spineys' to-date, and as a result I'm lucky to have made some wonderful new friends. If along the way I have informed, helped you make a decision regarding surgery/meds/exercise, made you realise you're not alone (and don't have to be), made you laugh or just helped you wile away a few minutes then I have achieved what I set out to do!

But I guess it was inevitable, what with this being the www. and all, that this blog would attract the attention of the not-so-nice element of our society. We all have our names for them - ill-informed, know-alls, disbelievers, superior (they think), negative, bitter, spiteful, mean, jealous... I could go on.  And it is because of one such individual that I have had to make a change to the way that your comments are handled. In future, comments will NOT appear immediately - I'm sorry - but it has become necessary for me to vet them before they appear, which I will try to do daily.

So to Anonymous (of 31.1.09 19:06 hrs) - if you don't believe or like what you read on this blog - do me a favour - take your tricky comments elsewhere, go and be hurtful to someone else!

To friends and family who may be shocked by the quite venomous comment I felt compelled to write yesterday in response to Anonymous, I'm sorry if I disappoint you. But kick a good dog when it's down and one day it might just bite back...

Ohh joy!!!

What the bloody hell is happening to me???

Still waiting for results of bloods - pain hasn't got worse but then again, has only got a smidge better...gggrrrrr

Hair is falling out - been noticing it in the shower for a couple of weeks but now my hairdresser has confirmed that my hair is thinning, particularly at the front, and the texture has changed. She said it's all down to the anaesthetic I've had in 12 months (3 lots) and the meds - can take up to 6 months for it all to get out of your system! Zinc and other levels have been shot! She's recommended some specialist Redken products (shampoo / conditioner / vitamin tabs) which have produced great results with her other ill clients, so I'm giving them a go. Gutted really - I have been letting it grow for nearly two years now and it is just starting to take a nice shape, hey ho...

Nails are going the same way, peeling & splitting, already taking Multibionta, may need a nail supplement too!

Falling apart I am - me and Vic will look like baldicoot twins soon, haha :-)

The 'no picnic' part....

Some of you may remember my surgeon saying way back that recovery from this op would be no picnic. Well folks, I'm understanding his words explicitly now!!! Past two days have been a nightmare - pain up, meds up, exercise down, sleep down. So worried that I have a call out for my surgeon to ring me today. I just want a bit of reassurance that it's normal process - I'm hoping he will confirm pain is up due to the effect of long-term med injections in the spine (during ops) wearing off and my increase in hydrotherapy... bum, bum, bum!

Stop Press 15:45 hrs - surgeon concerned - has arranged for blood tests at my GP surgery tomorrow morning - testing for inflammation / infection! Please, please, please don't let it be either of these...

All going south...

Well I managed to get to the pool 3x again this week - OK so the exercising is a bummer but floating around (and feeling weightless) is great plus I'm spending a lot of time in the sauna... funny really, because I've historically been a steam person really, but the heat in the sauna is doing it for me now!

Since I haven't been swimming or pilates (proper) for 3 months I have really noticed a lack of tone in my upper arms, legs, thighs and hips. Although I have always been a bit chunky I have never been flabby (once I hit 30 going to the gym became a way of life for me not a luxury) and so I have managed to remain fairly toned, mainly by swimming. NOT NOW!!! It's horrible - all that flabby, flapping skin and bingo wings eeeeyuckkkkk... The skin around my hips and lower back is like a big flabby tyre - to me if feels like the weight and pain associated with this whole operation malarky is resting right there! I know it sounds weird, but that's how it feels to me. Dr. Vic says yes things are flapping a bit of late :-( but no, he can't see what I'm saying about the jelly flabby tyre thingummy :-).

Sooooo SWIM-MITTS are go!!! Yep have started to use them and they are working like a dream, after just 2 weeks. What are they, you might ask? Well they are colourful neoprene mitts with webbed fingers that catch the water as you move. Soooo when I'm walking up and down the pool I wade with my arms - my goodness, it doesn't take long to realise that those mitts are doing something in the bingo wing area! SPINEYS: if you find the wading puts added pressure on your back, STOP!

I'm also using the woggles to add in some light arm exercises like pull and push downs which also strengthen the core too. SPINEYS: if you do these make sure that you are bent out at the knees otherwise you will find yourself bending and putting pressure on your back which is a no-no.

Oh and through all this, even when I'm sporting bright orange woggles, lurid green gloves, squinting (coz I can't see without my gogs) and wobbling around in the shallow end surrounded by kids in nappysuits, Dr. Vic continues to love me dearly. God bless him...

3 months post op...

Not much to report this week...

Still in "Hip-Hell" gggrrrr, particularly on the left and having to pop a few more pills during the day to cope with the increased pain. Also very stiff in the mornings and late at night. I'm thinking that the hip pain may be the result of my increased mobility and hydro sessions. I'm remembering that my surgeon said that I will have set-backs on/off during the first 12 months - so I'm guessing this is one of them... Managed to get in the pool 3x last week - just doing simple exercises, floating around and getting some heat (sauna, especially) in my bones certainly helps. Seeing physio later today with regards getting into a specialist back class - not quite sure what the class entails, will report back next week.

Still absolutely wiped out mid-afternoon but at least I'm managing to get a decent sleep these days - the full body pillow really has made all the difference in correctly aligning my body when I sleep on my side. Dr. Vic calls it "The Borg Barrier", work that one out!!! ;-)
Note: for one week - w/c 26 January - Lidl are selling full body pillows for £9.77 each

Some of you bloggers out there may have read Angela's blog comments throughout my recovery - well, she is having her Dynesis op this Thursday. GOOD LUCK ANGELA, my thoughts and prayers are with you...

Relapse recovery...

Can you believe how quickly time flies? It seems like only yesterday that I was wondering just how I was going to get through it.

The past 7-10 days have been challenging - there's no doubt that I had a serious relapse (all my own fault). Meds went up in line with pain which was not good but I think I am now back on track. How did I get back on track you might ask? Bedrest and not a lot else I'm afraid. Returned to hydro last Friday - it was painful especially the exercises that put my back into extension, which has always been a problem for me. But I was chuffed when the physio said she was impressed by my 'core' fitness - which was appraised by my ability to sit floating on 2 woggles whilst moving my arms around windmill-like!!

I'm hoping to get to the pool under my own steam from this week on, in addition to my weekly hydro... just for light exercises e.g. walking, leg raises, woggle twists & side bends.

Hip and groin pain just won't SHUT UP!!!

Had a bit of a relapse. Been in bed 3 days - hips and groin hurt bad when I walk. Have had to up my meds which I really didn't want to do. Now wondering whether coming off the diclofenic (for better screw bonding) is causing me some problems. Plus marcaine and steroids injected in my spine during 2nd op will be wearing off now too (3 months relief judging by my 2 previous spinal probe outcomes). All could be impacting my pain I guess...

Upset with myself because I have overdone it with too many visitors. I loved the visitors but my back didn't. I feel I've really let Dr Vic (who's been telling me to slow down for days) and myself down badly :-(

Will be chatting with my physio at hydro on Friday.

2009 Bring it On!

To all our dear friends and family, Happy New Year and all the very best for 2009, may it bring us all good health, love and happiness (and a bit of wealth wouldn't be bad either!).

Vic, Kelly & Millie x